The Weight of Our Words: Who Are They Really For?
As a facilitator and someone who walks this path alongside my clients, I’ve come to notice a pattern, one that I’m guilty of too. It’s the unconscious repetition of words and phrases we’ve grown used to saying. We speak affirmations, compliments, even declarations of love, often without truly feeling the depth of what we say.
And it begs the question: are these words for the other person or are they really for us?
The other day, I received a message that ended with, “I mean it.” I had to scroll back to even remember what the “it” was. The sentiment was kind "I’m proud of you", but something in me hesitated. I paused and sat with the discomfort. Why did it feel off? Why did those words land strangely?
I recognised that while the person was likely expressing love and connection in their own way, the phrase "I’m proud of you" touched something deeper. It made me reflect:
Why do I need someone to be proud of me?
In parenting, I’ve used those same words before. "I’m proud of you" especially when my child is longing to hear it. But when I sit with it, I realise… I love her. I don’t need to be proud of her. She doesn’t owe me anything. Her worth isn’t something I get to validate with my approval. And I certainly don’t want her sense of self to be attached to whether someone else deems her "worthy of pride."
It’s easy to speak on autopilot. "You look lovely." "I’m proud of you." "I love you." We’ve learned to say these things almost as a script, passed down generationally or absorbed culturally.
And while they can be deeply meaningful, they can also become hollow if we don’t embody what we say.
So I’ve been asking myself:
Am I offering this affirmation because I mean it from the depths of me?
Or am I trying to fill a void, mine or theirs?
Am I projecting an unmet need? A belief that if I say enough, I’ll feel enough?
Words shape people. They shape children. They shape the beliefs we carry about who we are and what we must do to feel loved or worthy.
And sometimes, it’s not the words that carry the greatest impact but the sincerity behind them.
A genuine smile.
A quiet, “I thought of you.”
A shared moment.
An act of service.
These small things can say more than a hundred affirmations.
I’ve learned that the simple carries the sacred. That sometimes, saying less but feeling more creates deeper connection.
So this is an invitation.
To slow down.
To notice what we say and why.
To speak less from the lips and more from the heart.
And to honour the weight of our words because they shape more than just conversations. They shape people.
If this resonates with you, I invite you to read the blog “What lies beneath” or explore our Somatic Foundations offering where we gently turn inward, listen to the body, and reconnect with the sincerity behind what we speak, feel, and believe.
